Dilemma

Today was just one of those days in the relationship that you just want to get out of it, but can't. For me, I'm TOO nice of a person to ruin things. I can feel my heart giving up little by little. Trusting him from the beginning was "ify" because just knowing him, but that bugga was crazy about me. Now letting my guard down was a BIIG step. Just until that ONE day he ruined it. Seriously, after that... I COULD NOT FULLY TRUST HIM. Even till this day I can't. Well I was beginning to. Yeah, it was aite til today. It takes me a real long time to trust him. I hate starting back at zero.

LYING is a no-no with me. I don't respect liars. Therefore, I do not even respect my own man. I'm sorry to say. You thinking why am I even still with him. HELLOO!! Where have you been? 3 years? Come on, someone can't just throw it away like that. And I'm not scared to admit that I'm scared of losing him. I feel that I have a lot to lose in this. The whole day I was texting my homie, Alvin. I just hope that he doesn't give up on me. He's a real friend that listens and just tries to make me forget about my bullshit.

I miss the old him :( I miss the Xavier that I fell in love with in the first place. I wish he could just be straight up with me like before. It seems that the past made me happier..