When it comes down to it

Alright, yesterday I had to move out of my dorm and I asked my dad to come, but when it came up, he said that I asked him last minute.. NOT TRUE. So then Xavier picked me up from work and headed to my dorm. I had a lot of stuff, and wouldn't you think that I felt bad that HE had to help me? DUH! He does a lot for me. But when I really needed my dad, he just blew me off. He's mad that I'm not dorming next year and all that bull crap. So then Xavier brought down my fridge. I had a feeling that it wasn't going to fit in his car. And it didn't. He got so frustrated and took it out on me. Then when we got everything in, I waited for my RA to finish shower so she could check my room. It sort of took a while like about 10 minutes. When I got downstairs, he wasn't there. I tried to keep myself together. I walked to the other parking lot and he wasn't there and walked back to my dorm, and there he was.

The car ride was so depressing for me. I felt like everything was my fault, but I truly felt bad that he had to help me. He started bitching at me. When we picked up Bling, he drove to my house. I had so much stuff on me and he didn't even help me out. All he did was take Bling's bag and just dropped him on the ground. Right there just got to me. Holding back my tears. My brother came out to help and my dad... he just stood outside. Bringing my stuff in, more tears came down. He asked me why I'm crying. THE MOST STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER TO ASK WHEN HE THE ONE BRINGING ME DOWN. All my stuff was out of his car, he clearly said, "You don't even thank me. Fuck you. Don't call me tonight." And there he just sped off. How could I thank him when he was being a dick? How could I thank him when I'm just crying? HOW??

So last night, I cried until I was done putting away all my stuff. One minute he is the sweetest, the next, he is the BIGGEST JERK DICK EVER. He don't comfort me. I try so hard to be strong and find ME. But I lost myself in the process. Talking to Alvin helped a lot. I swear, Bling was there for me. Breaking down and ballin out, Bling was there to lick my tears away... LITERALLY. He was trying me make me feel better by being happy. Now he is the only penis that loves me unconditionally and IS THERE for me. He is also a good listener, lol [= THANK GOD FOR BLING <33