Sitting, Wishing, Waiting

I can never get tired of Jack Johnson. I would say he is a legend already.

Can't stand my house no more. Dad just bitch and bitch. He say that I always have some place to come back to, but he always telling me that I should live somewhere else. FUCKA MAKE UP YO MIND!! At this point, I don't even have the motivation to continue on with college. The only thing on my mind right now is just to work and work so I can just get my own place and LIVE! Haha. Bling can run around foreals and I wouldn't have to worry about him making a mess because it's MY PLACE. I don't have to do anything for nobody. And I wouldn't have to worry about Xavier, lol. Him just coming home to me. Hehe. I'M SITTING AROUND FOR MONEY TO COME TO ME, WISHING TO GET MY OWN PLACE, AND WAITING FOR THAT MOMENT TO COME.

When it comes down to it

Alright, yesterday I had to move out of my dorm and I asked my dad to come, but when it came up, he said that I asked him last minute.. NOT TRUE. So then Xavier picked me up from work and headed to my dorm. I had a lot of stuff, and wouldn't you think that I felt bad that HE had to help me? DUH! He does a lot for me. But when I really needed my dad, he just blew me off. He's mad that I'm not dorming next year and all that bull crap. So then Xavier brought down my fridge. I had a feeling that it wasn't going to fit in his car. And it didn't. He got so frustrated and took it out on me. Then when we got everything in, I waited for my RA to finish shower so she could check my room. It sort of took a while like about 10 minutes. When I got downstairs, he wasn't there. I tried to keep myself together. I walked to the other parking lot and he wasn't there and walked back to my dorm, and there he was.

The car ride was so depressing for me. I felt like everything was my fault, but I truly felt bad that he had to help me. He started bitching at me. When we picked up Bling, he drove to my house. I had so much stuff on me and he didn't even help me out. All he did was take Bling's bag and just dropped him on the ground. Right there just got to me. Holding back my tears. My brother came out to help and my dad... he just stood outside. Bringing my stuff in, more tears came down. He asked me why I'm crying. THE MOST STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER TO ASK WHEN HE THE ONE BRINGING ME DOWN. All my stuff was out of his car, he clearly said, "You don't even thank me. Fuck you. Don't call me tonight." And there he just sped off. How could I thank him when he was being a dick? How could I thank him when I'm just crying? HOW??

So last night, I cried until I was done putting away all my stuff. One minute he is the sweetest, the next, he is the BIGGEST JERK DICK EVER. He don't comfort me. I try so hard to be strong and find ME. But I lost myself in the process. Talking to Alvin helped a lot. I swear, Bling was there for me. Breaking down and ballin out, Bling was there to lick my tears away... LITERALLY. He was trying me make me feel better by being happy. Now he is the only penis that loves me unconditionally and IS THERE for me. He is also a good listener, lol [= THANK GOD FOR BLING <33

Keep on Truckin

Finally I can say that I'm trusting him little by little. Our lifestyle is changing and I like it. I see that he doesn't want me to go back to my old habits. Sometimes I have that doubt, but in the end, it clicks to me. The yesterday at Sumo Ramen at Kam Shopping, he was trying to make me eat the rest of his Katsu Curry. Since this semester, I REEAAALLLY gained a lot and I'm trying to cut down. He said, "You know I don't care what you look like." And that right there hit me that he's been always down for me. But still yet! I aint gonna lose my fig! It's hard enough to watch what I eat.

Lately, I have been having these really bad dreams of him with this slat, JOE ANGELICA ULEP. FUCK!! Three days in a row I had nightmares that he's still going with her when I'm at home or work. This is like traumatizing me FOREALS! When I wake up, I'm already crying and my heart is pounding. I want to tell him but all he is going to say is, "So stupid." Like it's not my fault that I have those kinds of dreams. Ugh! She's down here from the PI and I'm so fready to kick the fuck outta her. She keep on runnin her mouth, and I DON'T LET NO ONE GET AWAY WITH WHAT THEY DID TO ME. I GO AFTER THEM BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH.

But hey, he's really doing good and so am I. We are coping with things better than before (: