33 Days [Listening to Backstreet Boys]

So he is leaving again for the Philippines. I'm scared. Yesterday I had sooo much emotions running that I couldn't take it and just cried my eyes out.. almost literal. That was the hardest I cried since like not to loong ago. Haha. But shit, still. In my head I kept thinking what am I going to do without him, what am I going to do at night, who am I going to talk to, and especially what am I going to do when I'm by myself. Of course when he is going to be up there, time is going to go by fast for him. And what sucks, a lot of my friends do live close by so it's gonna be hard for me to go with them. Like I really don't want to ever stay by myself because I know I'm just going to cry. When the first time he left, I cried every day and night even before meeting up with my friends because he is so far away. And communicating is going to be really hard.

I'm worried. Last night when he dropped me off and I took Bling for a walk at night, I just started balling and talking to myself. And what made matters even worse was that he just told me yesterday/last night. And I have been asking him if he was going, but never did ask his mom. So when I was walking, it got me thinking what if I cheat on him? What if someone comes along? What if I do something that I regret? Just all the "What ifs?" Like dude! Who am I going to text?? Last year, oh my. He called me and like from then on, I started calling him and texting him. And my bill came out. My parents were PISSED. My bill was guarantee more than your worse phone bill. Ready? It was OVER THREE THOUSAND!! And I aint even playing. That is why I pay my own.

Honestly, I hate going through this crap because I'm the type of person in the relationship that I love seeing him everyday and I hate being away from him. With this, him leaving, makes me suffer. And he does too. He always wants to be with me everyday. And he have told me about his past relationships about him going to PI and the girls would have doubts and what not. That would be the reason for their break-up. But I honestly wanted to break-up with him too because I couldn't stand being lonely and without him. I just wanted someone there. But when I told him that, he kept on telling me to not to give up. He didn't want us to end.

i know I'm going to make it but it's just I'm scared on how I'm going to pass the time. Frick, I am going to try so hard to not to cry. And He wants me to come to the airport with him. Last year I went, I was so heartbroken because I was actually seeing him leaving me. I cried the whole day and pretty much everyday after that. But now, I have Bling. He is always there for me when I cry. He hates seeing me cry and just licks my tears away. Well, he has a load of tears for him to lick. HAHA.